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Tips for Reaching Out to a Father You've Never Met
Finding your father may seem like an intimidating task, but by taking these steps and approaching the situation with respect and thoughtfulness, you can be on your way to finding your absent father and making an important connection.
- Gather any information you can find about your father. Talk to family members and look through old documents to track down any clues about your father’s identity. Gather as much information as you can, including legal name, approximate age, address history, etc. to use for further research.
- Reach out to possible family members on social media to see if they have more information. Many times, relatives or distant family members may have heard of or know of your father and be able to give more leads.
- Search online public records. Conduct an online search using the information your gathered to find records such as marriage records, census records, or public records.
- Hire a professional investigator, if needed. You may want to consider hiring a private investigator who specializes in finding absent parents. The fees may be high, but a “skip tracer” may be able to locate your father much faster than if you had done all the searching on your own.
- Reach out to him. Once you’ve managed to locate your father, reach out. Carefully consider how you want to deliver the message. Consider writing a letter, sending a card, or even placing a call.
Connecting with your father may not always be easy, but with patience and determination, you can find him and establish the connection you’ve been seeking.
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Making Contact With the Father You Have Never Met
Having a relationship with a father you have never met can be difficult, but it’s not impossible. Here are some steps you can take to come into contact with your biological father:
- Find out if your father is in the same area. Use online search tools like family trees and census data to locate your father. You may also be able to locate him through public records.
- Identify any mutual acquaintances. Reach out to family members or friends who may know him. Ask if they can provide you with any valuable information.
- Write a letter. If you’re comfortable with it, consider writing a letter. Include information about yourself and allow him to respond at his own discretion.
- Send a message. If you’re not comfortable with the idea of sending a letter, an email or text message might be better. You can then move towards a more direct way of communicating if he responds positively.
- Call him. If you know his phone number, you can attempt to call him directly. Be sure to identify yourself and prepare what you will say. This may be intimidating for both of you, so you could offer to call him again in a few days if he would like.
- Invite him for coffee. If he lives nearby, offer to meet up in a public place. This can help break the ice and provide both of you with a relaxed environment to get to know each other.
If you still are unable to make contact, consider seeking professional assistance. A therapist or counselor may be able to offer advice on how to reach out with greater success.
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